As far as kids go, I can’t really complain too much about mine (see them here looking so very sweet). They eat veggies, most of the time. They go to bed without a fuss, usually. They share, except with each other. And they give really good hugs. There are those times though…...those times when they show their other sides that I sometimes hit a wall as a mom. We’ve all been there. That moment when you simply do not know how to respond to what they throw at you.
We see these parents whose kids talk back, won’t stay in their beds, refuse to eat any thing that isn’t white, interrupt constantly, run in the other direction when they hear their name called, scream loudly in inappropriate places, snatch toys from their playmates, hit and kick their parents, and pick prize boogers out of their noses to pop into their precious little mouths. Often times we watch in silent horror, while in our minds, we judge their parenting. ‘Well‘, we think, ‘if only she had some control over that child‘. ‘If only, they disciplined her better‘. ‘If only, they stopped caving in to his tantrums’. These parents feel our eyes on them. They feel our silent horror. They know we are judging them. And they are powerless to stop it, because, as you know if you have kids, we have all been there at some point. We have all given in to our children at some point, just to get them to stop. Stop, already, you win.
We’ve all felt the eyes on us when it’s OUR child acting up in a way we don’t like. Sometimes it isn’t even that our kids are misbehaving it’s that they aren't behaving in the way we want them to. They won’t say hello to the co-worker we bump into at a restaurant. They won’t play with the other kids at the playground when we have only brought them there to get a much needed respite from their endless chatter. They won’t participate in a class that we thought they would love when we signed them up, and paid an outrageous fee to attend.
Parents sometimes conveniently forget that all kids have issues. We can parent them to the moon and back but when it comes right down to it no child can be forced to be the person our expectations want them to be. It’s easy to make ourselves feel better by judging the other parents who are struggling with the same issues we face. We tell ourselves, our spouses, our friends, how we would do it differently. It takes a bit more effort to support each other. Take turns switching kids with a friend so you each get a break. Engage the mom at the playground, who is clearly one step away from losing her mind (you know her because you have been her), in a conversation. Before becoming a mom I would never engage strangers in conversation. After a few years at home watching ‘Little Bear’ I would talk to anyone who would listen. Ask for help when you need it. There is no shame in admitting you are stumped. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh set of eyes and ears to work something out. We parents are a team and we need to work together. Team Parent! Who’s with me?!
It has been my long-standing belief that our children will tell us what they need from us. All we need to do is to know how to listen and decide how to respond. We don’t always have the answer. A good parent doesn’t have all the answers to all the problems they will face while raising a child. Instead, a good parent makes the time to find and try solutions until they hit on the one that works.If we start a new job we usually have some sort of training before we begin. Parenting doesn't work that way. The training isn't handed to you. It doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes you need to seek it out. I’ve heard friends say they don’t believe in parenting books. I agree to a point. A parenting book isn’t designed to give you concrete answers about your child. Not all ideas work with all kids, or all families for that matter. What a good parenting book can do is give you a set of guidelines to go by so that you can then make educated decisions about the dilemmas you will face as a parent. One of my favorite parenting authors is Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Her series of books begins with Your One Year Old: Fun Loving and Fussy, and continues on up to Your Ten-Fourteen Year Old. In each of these short books there are guidelines about development. What to expect from certain ages, and suggestions about appropriate discipline. Also in each book is a healthy dose of realism. A parenting attitude adjustment, if you will. Sometimes it isn't the child's behavior we need to change, it's our own.
My family and friends have children of various ages from those still in the womb to teens. I don’t know their children as well as they do. I do know that what works for my family can’t possibly work for all of theirs, because all these little people are so very different. My kids are not perfect, nor do I want them to be. We take one day at a time and do what we can.
Do you have an issue that your family is struggling with that you could use a suggestion for? Do you have a tip to share? Post it here and become part of our parenting team.
We see these parents whose kids talk back, won’t stay in their beds, refuse to eat any thing that isn’t white, interrupt constantly, run in the other direction when they hear their name called, scream loudly in inappropriate places, snatch toys from their playmates, hit and kick their parents, and pick prize boogers out of their noses to pop into their precious little mouths. Often times we watch in silent horror, while in our minds, we judge their parenting. ‘Well‘, we think, ‘if only she had some control over that child‘. ‘If only, they disciplined her better‘. ‘If only, they stopped caving in to his tantrums’. These parents feel our eyes on them. They feel our silent horror. They know we are judging them. And they are powerless to stop it, because, as you know if you have kids, we have all been there at some point. We have all given in to our children at some point, just to get them to stop. Stop, already, you win.
We’ve all felt the eyes on us when it’s OUR child acting up in a way we don’t like. Sometimes it isn’t even that our kids are misbehaving it’s that they aren't behaving in the way we want them to. They won’t say hello to the co-worker we bump into at a restaurant. They won’t play with the other kids at the playground when we have only brought them there to get a much needed respite from their endless chatter. They won’t participate in a class that we thought they would love when we signed them up, and paid an outrageous fee to attend.
Parents sometimes conveniently forget that all kids have issues. We can parent them to the moon and back but when it comes right down to it no child can be forced to be the person our expectations want them to be. It’s easy to make ourselves feel better by judging the other parents who are struggling with the same issues we face. We tell ourselves, our spouses, our friends, how we would do it differently. It takes a bit more effort to support each other. Take turns switching kids with a friend so you each get a break. Engage the mom at the playground, who is clearly one step away from losing her mind (you know her because you have been her), in a conversation. Before becoming a mom I would never engage strangers in conversation. After a few years at home watching ‘Little Bear’ I would talk to anyone who would listen. Ask for help when you need it. There is no shame in admitting you are stumped. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh set of eyes and ears to work something out. We parents are a team and we need to work together. Team Parent! Who’s with me?!
It has been my long-standing belief that our children will tell us what they need from us. All we need to do is to know how to listen and decide how to respond. We don’t always have the answer. A good parent doesn’t have all the answers to all the problems they will face while raising a child. Instead, a good parent makes the time to find and try solutions until they hit on the one that works.If we start a new job we usually have some sort of training before we begin. Parenting doesn't work that way. The training isn't handed to you. It doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes you need to seek it out. I’ve heard friends say they don’t believe in parenting books. I agree to a point. A parenting book isn’t designed to give you concrete answers about your child. Not all ideas work with all kids, or all families for that matter. What a good parenting book can do is give you a set of guidelines to go by so that you can then make educated decisions about the dilemmas you will face as a parent. One of my favorite parenting authors is Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Her series of books begins with Your One Year Old: Fun Loving and Fussy, and continues on up to Your Ten-Fourteen Year Old. In each of these short books there are guidelines about development. What to expect from certain ages, and suggestions about appropriate discipline. Also in each book is a healthy dose of realism. A parenting attitude adjustment, if you will. Sometimes it isn't the child's behavior we need to change, it's our own.
My family and friends have children of various ages from those still in the womb to teens. I don’t know their children as well as they do. I do know that what works for my family can’t possibly work for all of theirs, because all these little people are so very different. My kids are not perfect, nor do I want them to be. We take one day at a time and do what we can.
Do you have an issue that your family is struggling with that you could use a suggestion for? Do you have a tip to share? Post it here and become part of our parenting team.
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