 Last week was an interesting one for me. Growing Yogis hosted our first week-long camp. I had the blessing of spending time with seventeen children between the ages of 4 and 10, fifteen of which were girls. The pretense was a week outside discovering nature and crafting along the way. No yoga just quality outside time. I was prepared for a long, intense week and instead what I found was an amazing adventure in the great outdoors.
 A couple months ago, after discovering some great websites dedicated to
returning kids to the childhood I experienced of playing outside all day, with
little supervision and lots of imagination, I stumbled upon a great book: The
Last Child in the Woods, by Richard Louv. Louv connects ‘nature deficiency’ in children with the growing childhood obesity epidemic, as well as the increasing rate of ADHD diagnoses, and adolescent anxiety. This struck a chord with me. Who doesn’t feel better after a long walk, or sitting in the grass and watching the clouds float by? As a society we have removed our children from unplanned outside time by plugging them into ipads and hours of after school activities. And, yes, I do acknowledge that I am one of those after school activities. We rarely send our children outside unsupervised because of our fear of what, or who, might be out there lurking behind a tree. And thus, Nature Arts Camp, was born.
 Instead of turning children loose into the wilderness, I experienced it with them. Watching, but not hovering. Guiding exploration with encouragement. Letting discovery unfold, even if it meant being ok with the snakes, black flies and ticks, and minding my tongue about the thought of leeches in the thick, oozy black mud that they were intent on scooping up handfuls of to build their fairy houses. I’m not sure who learned more during the course of the week, me or them.
 In all the activities I had planned, the only resource that turned out to be necessary was the stream that winds its way through the woods behind our house. With the temperature at 86 degrees on the first day of camp, pants were rolled up, shoes removed and the fun began. Fighting the urge to issue reminders about being careful, I was amazed to watch my usually tender footed friends, climb up the waterfall rocks barefoot. I witnessed a four year old move rocks almost his own weight, out of the way to look under them for all things slimy ,and make the stream “better and deeper”. The social butterfly, who is rarely seen without a best friend, or two, or three, spent time on her own, crafting the perfect fairy house. My ultra-cool, queen bee, fourth graders joined with second graders to cross logs and scale rocks. The non-hikers hiked for two hours, carrying their own supplies. Leaders emerged from a group of followers. I sat with a girl as she worked on sewing her bird, made of scraps of fabric, while she unloaded about the troubles she has at school with her friends. I’ve spent countless hours with this child in the past and we never got as deep into conversation as we did sitting in the woods sewing while her cohorts explored around us. The woods will do that, open your mind and loosen your tongue.
 Of course not everything was serene and idyllic. One friend, who shall remain nameless for the purpose of this story, got stuck so deep in the muck we almost had to leave her boot behind. Who would have guessed that all those hours I had spent teaching what it means to flex our feet in yoga class helped the boot stay on her foot as we worked her out of the mud. Five minutes later she then stuck that same foot through a rotten log while trying to cross a stream, and sank in up to her thigh. We pulled about 27, 000 ticks off each other, despite careful applications of insect repellant. One friend got stranded on a rock and had to be helped down. There were countless scraped knees requiring band-aids, and Ms. Darcey messed up the instructions on the tie-dye kit, making everything come out purple. But through it all everyone had a smile on their face (most of the time). There were no fights. No squabbles about fairness. Decisions were made by vote and that good, old stand-by ‘Rock-Paper-Scissors’.
 On the last day of camp we left the woods behind and headed to the beach. Sitting in the sun watching these marvelous girls frolic in the frigid Maine waves, I had a chance to think on the blessings that were given to me over the course of the week. I learned so much more from these extraordinary little people than I had ever thought possible. Connecting with a child through nature is a powerful thing. Each night when grown-ups came to collect their children they asked if I was exhausted. And I was. I was in bed early every night. I
slept for hours on Saturday. But I would not have traded a minute of it. Watching the kids make new connections about their world, themselves, and each other, outside of a classroom, was a gift. I’ve already started planning our next camp and can’t wait to do it again.
We are a soccer family. Sometime in the last few years some sort of shift happened and I realized that I was driving a mini-van with a foldable chair and Tupperware dish of orange slices in the back. Suddenly I was SOCCER MOM. Didn’t really see it coming, although I have friends who will disagree with that statement. They apparently saw it coming years ago. Part of our soccer-mindedness comes from Coach Dad. Before we had our own kids my husband coached soccer, basketball and baseball (this was probably a clue to those friends of mine, now that I think about it). Anyway, it was only natural that he coached our daughter when she was old enough. Most of the time it works pretty well for our family. Sometimes though I run into some trouble meshing Soccer Mom with Yoga Teacher. Soccer Mom tries to stay out of the team’s business, leaving the coaching to the coaches, but Yoga Teacher Me cringes each and every time I see a coach (Coach Dad included) fail to warm up their players before practices and games. It is so important for muscles, especially developing muscles to ease in. Warming up prevents injury, plain and simple. Warming up the muscles creates blood flow which prepares the muscles for the exercise to come. This works to prevent strain. Coach Dad can tell you that he recently learned this lesson the hard way. Warming up also cues the brain to get in the games. Our bodies build muscle memory fairly quickly. If we practice the same sort of warm up each time we prepare for aerobic activity we are cueing the brain as well as our bodies, of what’s coming. This is particularly helpful with kids. Kids thrive on ritual. It is really important for them to have a predictable series of events. Warm ups serve as a transition between on and off the field. Warm ups cue the brain that its time for sports now, creating a more focused athlete. Most coaches in our area are not paid for their time. They do go through a basic training of sorts, but it simply can’t cover everything. The ones who do warm up their teams, may know why they are doing it but not always the best way to go about it (no offense to the fabulous coaches out there who know exactly what they are doing all of the time). Here is where the yoga comes in, I know you were waiting for it. Yoga can target the specific areas of the body that are most prone to injury or overuse on the field or court. Sports can create an imbalance by over-strengthening one area of the body. Yoga can help to equalize the unbalanced areas. Yoga builds flexibility giving the muscles a better range of motion which again, prevents strain on the body. Yoga is an opportunity for athletes to build muscle memory to complement their chosen sport, outside of the competition that comes with it. In addition, the meditative qualities of a regular yoga practice, along with breathing techniques can work to focus an athlete and lessen any pre-game jitters. Pro-athletes are adding yoga to their training because yoga enhances their game. The fall athletic season is fast approaching. Most teams will start practices within a few short weeks. If your child is playing a sport this fall, talk with the coach about warming up at every practice and before every game. And then thank them for volunteering their time. If you, or your coaches, are looking for ideas on the best way to incorporate warming up(and cooling down) into the program give a shout out. We’d love to help. Yoga is for everyone, after all, athletes included. If you’d like you child to learn more about the right way to warm up for his or her sport consider registering for our Sports Stretch Clinic on August 6th. If not, maybe I’ll see you on the soccer field this fall. I’ll be the lady in the yoga pants passing out oranges.
 As far as kids go, I can’t really complain too much about mine (see them here looking so very sweet). They eat veggies, most of the time. They go to bed without a fuss, usually. They share, except with each other. And they give really good hugs. There are those times though…...those times when they show their other sides that I sometimes hit a wall as a mom. We’ve all been there. That moment when you simply do not know how to respond to what they throw at you.
We see these parents whose kids talk back, won’t stay in their beds, refuse to eat any thing that isn’t white, interrupt constantly, run in the other direction when they hear their name called, scream loudly in inappropriate places, snatch toys from their playmates, hit and kick their parents, and pick prize boogers out of their noses to pop into their precious little mouths. Often times we watch in silent horror, while in our minds, we judge their parenting. ‘Well‘, we think, ‘if only she had some control over that child‘. ‘If only, they disciplined her better‘. ‘If only, they stopped caving in to his tantrums’. These parents feel our eyes on them. They feel our silent horror. They know we are judging them. And they are powerless to stop it, because, as you know if you have kids, we have all been there at some point. We have all given in to our children at some point, just to get them to stop. Stop, already, you win.
We’ve all felt the eyes on us when it’s OUR child acting up in a way we don’t like. Sometimes it isn’t even that our kids are misbehaving it’s that they aren't behaving in the way we want them to. They won’t say hello to the co-worker we bump into at a restaurant. They won’t play with the other kids at the playground when we have only brought them there to get a much needed respite from their endless chatter. They won’t participate in a class that we thought they would love when we signed them up, and paid an outrageous fee to attend.
Parents sometimes conveniently forget that all kids have issues. We can parent them to the moon and back but when it comes right down to it no child can be forced to be the person our expectations want them to be. It’s easy to make ourselves feel better by judging the other parents who are struggling with the same issues we face. We tell ourselves, our spouses, our friends, how we would do it differently. It takes a bit more effort to support each other. Take turns switching kids with a friend so you each get a break. Engage the mom at the playground, who is clearly one step away from losing her mind (you know her because you have been her), in a conversation. Before becoming a mom I would never engage strangers in conversation. After a few years at home watching ‘Little Bear’ I would talk to anyone who would listen. Ask for help when you need it. There is no shame in admitting you are stumped. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh set of eyes and ears to work something out. We parents are a team and we need to work together. Team Parent! Who’s with me?!
It has been my long-standing belief that our children will tell us what they need from us. All we need to do is to know how to listen and decide how to respond. We don’t always have the answer. A good parent doesn’t have all the answers to all the problems they will face while raising a child. Instead, a good parent makes the time to find and try solutions until they hit on the one that works.If we start a new job we usually have some sort of training before we begin. Parenting doesn't work that way. The training isn't handed to you. It doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes you need to seek it out. I’ve heard friends say they don’t believe in parenting books. I agree to a point. A parenting book isn’t designed to give you concrete answers about your child. Not all ideas work with all kids, or all families for that matter. What a good parenting book can do is give you a set of guidelines to go by so that you can then make educated decisions about the dilemmas you will face as a parent. One of my favorite parenting authors is Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Her series of books begins with Your One Year Old: Fun Loving and Fussy, and continues on up to Your Ten-Fourteen Year Old. In each of these short books there are guidelines about development. What to expect from certain ages, and suggestions about appropriate discipline. Also in each book is a healthy dose of realism. A parenting attitude adjustment, if you will. Sometimes it isn't the child's behavior we need to change, it's our own.
My family and friends have children of various ages from those still in the womb to teens. I don’t know their children as well as they do. I do know that what works for my family can’t possibly work for all of theirs, because all these little people are so very different. My kids are not perfect, nor do I want them to be. We take one day at a time and do what we can.
Do you have an issue that your family is struggling with that you could use a suggestion for? Do you have a tip to share? Post it here and become part of our parenting team.
Each Sunday I look forward to finding the 'Mini-Yogi Tip of the Week' in my inbox. Shana Meyerson does a lovely job of providing inspiration each week in a short and sweet paragraph. This week's tip involves the concept of Asteya which translates to 'non-stealing'.
Teaching children about stealing usually involves not taking things from others. We don’t take things that don’t belong to us. Be that taking a toy from a friend, money from Dad’s wallet, or candy from a store. We simply don’t take things. Asteya asks us to go beyond things. We become aware, as we look closely at Asteya, that there are lots of other things up for stealing. Time, attention, and feelings to name a few.
One of my most frustrating moments as a parent comes when an unnecessary mess is made that falls to me to clean up. I’m fine with making planned messes. I know when we take out finger paints there will be clean up involved. It’s the unexpected messes caused by lack of thought really push my buttons because they steal my time. I remember a teacher in high school saying to a student “if you are going to waste my time in class, I’ll waste yours in detention after school”. No, the student wasn’t me, but the words stuck with me. The teacher, most likely without knowing it, was commenting on Asteya. The waste of time.
Another example of Asteya is the stealing of attention. Anyone who has more than one child understands this by another name - sibling rivalry. Siblings compete for the attention of their parents every day in lots of different ways. One child is happily snuggled up on mom’s lap when, out of nowhere, comes an imaginary emergency, from a brother or sister, requiring mom’s immediate attention. Another example, that I was recently a part of, involved a visit with a friend of mine. Her super smart preschooler was determined to not let me have a moment of her mother’s attention and tried every trick she could think of to bring our awareness back to her. In her world I was the one stealing the attention. A classic case of the chicken or the egg, I guess. Who didn’t practice Asteya was it her or me?
Practicing Asteya as adults can be a tricky thing. As adults we experience ways to steal every day. At work, persuading clients to come try our services instead of staying with the same company. On the phone, we know the other person wants to end the conversation and we keep talking at them. Listening a friend tell about something fabulous that happened and then directing the conversation back to ourselves, instead of being present in her joy. There are fine lines out there that we cross every day. Sometimes intentionally and sometimes not.
Once attention is called to something we begin to see it everywhere. We become aware. How does the concept of Asteya present itself in your life? How are you aware?
When I gave birth to my first daughter eight and a half years ago I had a parenting plan. I also had a birth plan and when that got thrown out the window it should have been my first clue as to how the next eighteen years would unfold but I was apparently not paying attention. I had rules about tv time, food choices, scheduling and toys.
One of my random toy rules regarded the Barbie doll. Appropriate for ages 3 and up the box says. Not in my house. There are much more educational and worthwhile toys for preschoolers went the script in my head. Barbie gives girls unrealistic expectations of their bodies. I bought other, more "age appropriate" dolls to fill the need. And Daughter #1 was made to wait until the magic age of six for her elusive Barbies. And that Birthday and Christmas we Barbied hard core. And she was in heaven for about three months and then lost interest. The Barbies eventually got packed up and stored in the basement. All but one. One naked Barbie who lived in our bathtub for a number of years.
Then came Daughter #2. Suddenly a lot of the 'rules' went out the window. I learned, from five years of parenting experience that not everything is under my control no matter how much I want it to be. Daughter#2 is my girly girl. They are both girly but she is GIRLY. Baby dolls, princesses, fairies.....Barbies. At age three Naked Barbie was discovered in the bathtub and resurrected from the soap scum. Every night at bathtime I was asked if there were any clothes for Naked Barbie? Does she have any friends? Is she lonely? Fine. Fine. I give up
Down to the basement I go to dig out the box of Naked Barbie's friends, wardrobe and long lost furniture. Up comes the endless supply of tiny shoes, the big pink house and the sporty, purple convertible. Big kids are enlisted to clean and set up the house. My three year old is delighted. And then something happened which made me realize how wrong I was about Barbie and her cohorts. Barbie brings girls together. As I type, there are four girls ranging in age from 3 to 10 in the next room happily enthralled with a game of Barbie. Even Daughter #1 who had turned her back on the plastic princess a long time ago. Dolls and clothes were divided up with no fighting, roles and pecking order peacefully established, and the conversation is quite interesting. Want to hear how you sound to your kids? Listen in to the Barbie play. Want to know how your child handles conflict? This is the place. Wonderfully rich character development is happening in my living room. I take back the non-educational thoughts about Barbie. I am getting an amazing education as to what is going on in my kids heads right now, thanks to Barbie. And, if I had known how many things I would be able to accomplish in a few hours thanks to Barbie entertainment, she would have been out of the basement a long time ago.
I;ve learned many lessons as a parent in the last few years, but I didn't see this one coming. I guess we never do. As we learn, we grow. It changes our parenting. Its why first born children are almost always different people from their siblings. Its what makes us, us. So, Barbie, I take back the things I have said about you. I do wish that you were a bit more realistic looking, but whatever, I'll get over it. I officially surrender to you and hours of entertainment you bring to my house.
On Sunday I began my 200 hour registered yoga teacher training Nataraja Yoga in Kennebunk. This course will deepen my knowledge of yoga and eventually certify me to teach adults as well. After teaching yoga to children for the past five months I discovered, that as flexible and 'yoga-riffic' as I thought I was, I still have a long way to go. At the end of my seven hour day I knew that the next day would be a painful one, as muscles that, lets face it, probably have never been used before ,got a wake-up call. My oldest daughter asked me why I was going to school for something that I already teach to others. A long discussion ensued about how everyone has things to learn and no one knows everything.
A few days later I heard another girl say to her mom "see, I told you you were wrong". This can be a hard thing for a parent to hear coming our of a seven year-old's mouth. Her mom was very gracious about it and acknowledged that it was true. This made me think about learning. Our kids spend their days learning. The infant exploring his toes with his mouth is learning. A toddler squatted down on the sidewalk watching ants march into their hill is learning. The preschoolers working together to build a block city are learning. It isn't really until a child reaches school that the learning becomes more formal. As adults we may need to learn how to perfom specific tasks at work, but other than that ,we often stop learning. At least unless we seek out experiences to learn.
We are all busy people and work and kids and life can sometimes feel like they are in our way. We might think, "I don't have the money to go back to school" or " I could never find time to take a class for fun". But here is the thing. If we want our kids to be life-long learners we need to show them how important it is. Make time for yourself to learn. Knitting, car repair, basket weaving, kickboxing. Opportunities are truly endless. Even better try learning something new with your child. Check out library books that interest both of you. Google a question he or she asks that you don't have an answer to. Take a class together. Set the tone that learning doesn't end with the school day. Acknowledge that our children have the limitless ability to teach us things we never knew ,or thought we needed to know. No one has all the answers but anyone can seek them out.
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