Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. ~Estonian Proverb

It’s interesting how the month of November rolls around and suddenly we remember to be thankful. Then even before the leftovers are put away, and we have digested our pie, we are swept up in the rush of Christmas.  For many of us, that thankfulness goes right out  the window until next year. Almost as if we store up our thankful thoughts solely for Thanksgiving, and then having checked it off the list, we move on.

Like all things in life, gratitude is not black and white. Most of us have
the skills to say thank you to those who have helped us. We thank the cashier who checks out our groceries, the mechanic who repairs our vehicle, the person who cares for our children. These ‘thank yous’ make the people who have been helpful to us feel acknowledged, which is good, of course, but the shades of gratitude ask us to go beyond the every day ‘thank yous.’ Gratitude must be practiced each day, or we lose it.

It’s in being thankful for the things we often take advantage of that need
our awareness.  In our society we seem to feel that we are entitled to everything we wish for.  And while it is our birthright to live in abundance, we need to be worthy of that abundance.  Part of this comes from hard work and perseverance, however, the other part comes from gratitude.  When we make time in our lives to be thankful for the blessings we have, more blessings come to us.  We must be grateful of what we have to attract more of what we wish for. 

There are times that we find ourselves caught in a negative spiral.  Nothing seems to go our way. We just can’t seem to catch a break. We forget about all the good in our lives. We start to feel sorry for ourselves and wonder why our luck is just so bad.  These feelings often lead us to quick fixes to make ourselves feel better. We turn to chocolate, alcohol, shopping, whining, whatever, as we try to fill up the hole inside. This never works. These behaviors ultimately make our problems worse.

When we stop and make space in our heads, and our hearts, to be grateful for all the little things we have, we start to appreciate our lives a bit more. The negative spiral is disrupted, making room for positive energy to blossom.  Once we go beyond the obvious things to be thankful for we may feel stuck. We need to dig deeper than being thankful for family and friends, because it's the smaller things take us closer to living our gratitude. One teeny tiny moment of gratitude at a time leads us to living a more abundant life.  That’s not to say that giving thanks will make all the problems of the world go away, but it’s a start.  As Gandhi said, “you must be the change you wish to see in the world". We must commit to being thankful and expressing our gratitude, even on our toughest days.  The rest will come. It might not come pouring down in buckets, but by practicing expressing our gratitude, each day our lights will shine a little brighter, causing the lights inside the people around us to shine a little brighter as well. Eventually we’ll come to see that our lives are full of abundance and we have a lot to be grateful for.  It isn’t something we do once a year, it must be part of who we are. This is living our gratitude.

Fall in New England simply cannot be beat. The brilliance of the trees, the crisp smell in the air, the leaves that crunch under your feet, and the farm-stand bounty at every turn make this my favorite time of year.  Each fall we make the traditional trips to the apple orchard, and then the pumpkin patch, overloading ourselves with produce, emptying our wallets of cash. Completely worth it, when you think of supporting local business and creating happy family memories all in one fell swoop. 

This spring I decided to try my thumb at growing pumpkins, as the vegetable garden of last spring did not turn out as successful as I had hoped.  I have proudly harvested a total of three pumpkins. One fits snugly in the palm of my preschooler’s hand and one is a lopsided rectangle, so I’m beginning to think that growing things is not so much my talent. While out visiting the one decent size pumpkin yesterday, my eye wandered over to the forlorn apple tree in our side yard.  Where we live it is a constant battle to keep the wilds of nature at bay, and this tree was tucked into some overgrown weeds and had never really been given much thought since we moved in three years ago.  Upon inspection I found that although ugly, the apples appeared to be…well….apples, I guess.  Being brave, I mean really, who picks things to eat off trees that have gone un-noticed for years, I scrubbed it off on my jeans and took a tentative bite. Yup. Definitely an apple. An edible apple.  I called Miss Four-Year-Old over and said “start picking”. “Mommy, these apples are NOT beautiful like the apple picking apples.” I assured her, and then myself, that they’d work just fine for applesauce. 

So, inside we went with our half-full canvas bag of ugly apples, where we chopped and boiled and had a lovely conversation about how it’s hard to tell what an apple will look like on the inside from the way it looks on the outside, and how people can be kind of like that too. We talked about how the boiling apples made the kitchen smell good, and how this boiling water made the apples change from hard crunchy things to soft, mushy things.  When I pulled out the antique food mill, she asked me to show her how to turn it on, and was stunned to hear that there was no ‘on’ switch.  “Back in the ‘old’ days”, I found myself explaining, “people had to use their bodies for power. “ She is still working on understanding this concept of pre-electricity. It horrifies her a bit.  She took her turn at working the food mill, but decided that watching was more fun. When the apples were all sauced and she was eating a dish of warm applesauce, she looked at me with shiny eyes and declared me to be awesome. There is nothing more fabulous in the world to hear, than these words coming from the mouth of a sticky preschooler.  Today that applesauce was turned into cake.  And I think we can all agree, that as delicious as fresh applesauce may be, fresh applesauce cake is even tastier.

The whole process made me think about awareness. The process of harvesting the apples,  preparing them  for saucing, and then getting to finally eat the product was an exercise in awareness for my daughter.  That’s the great thing about being small is that you are able to devote all of your senses to learning so easily. As adults, our heads are always working on five or six things at a time, and stopping to smell the roses, or in this case, taste the apples, seems a luxury. For three years, although I knew we had an apple tree (actually we have three), I was never really aware that it produced apples. Sure, I admire the pink and white blooms in the spring, and I drive over the fallen apples with the lawn mower, but to be aware of them enough to make use of them? Nope, not at all. This made me wonder what else might be hiding out there in my yard waiting to be discovered.  After I finish my piece of warm cake, I just might go take a look.

How come every time I print new schedules I need to change them? It happens every single time. It doesn’t matter how much I plan, or how much feedback I collect before putting a new schedule together. Every time I head to the copy store I know I will be back within two days to do it all over again. My kids have a lovely collection of colored scrap paper to doodle on from all of the out-of-date schedules floating about the house. Their art is now sponsored by Growing Yogis. The only thing I have learned from this, so far, is only to print a few at a time.

I think this speaks to not really being able to plan anything entirely. 
There is a saying that keeps popping up in everything I read:
 “Man plans, God laughs.”  This seems to hold true in my world lately.  It can be so incredibly frustrating to watch the best laid plans crumble at our feet. Life's little speed bumps. We grasp at holding it all together but when it gets right down to it, there is simply nothing we can do but to go with it. 

Yoga teaches us to practice non-grasping. Letting go. Going with the flow.
Spontaneity. Change.  Embracing the unexpected.  Rolling with it. Thinking on the fly. These are not my favorite games to play. Lately, though, these are the things that are challenging me.  From tropical storms that steal my power, to locating a new preschool four days before school is scheduled to begin, I am rolling with it. Or, at least I am working on rolling with it.

Controlling the need to not control the uncontrollable is my paradox.  This
is where my work is at the moment.  My yoga.  Yoga isn’t all physical. It isn’t all about having a flexible body, or the ability to sit still, focus on your
breath, and meditate. We have to live it. Put it into practice and live it.
Easier said than done, as usual. 

Go ahead and make your plans. It’s great to have plans. Just be prepared to
accept that you may have to change them. And maybe check the schedule on the website before you head on over to class.

Summer is in full swing. Full of sunny days, trips to the beach, popsicles, and burgers on the grill. We are a little past the half way point, and though the back to school sales are everywhere, we aren't quite done with fun yet. In our house things are settling down a little from trips to visit family in Vermont and soccer camp. August in the best month of summer in my book. We’ve made it through the scheduled things and now for four, blissful weeks are pretty much left to out own devices. This is where we start to get a bit crafty with our time. We’ve had this hula- hoop project we’ve wanted to try for a long time and what better time than right now. My 4 year-old insists the proper name is a “hoopa-loop”, not a hula-hoop. You can call it what you like. Giving credit where credit is due, we got this project from Ms. Aime at Stillwater School.

We are a soccer family. Sometime in the last few years some sort of shift happened and I realized that I was driving a mini-van with a foldable chair and Tupperware dish of orange slices in the back. Suddenly I was SOCCER MOM. Didn’t really see it coming, although I have friends who will disagree with that statement. They apparently saw it coming years ago. Part of our soccer-mindedness comes from Coach Dad. Before we had our own kids my husband coached soccer, basketball and baseball (this was probably a clue to those friends of mine, now that I think about it). Anyway, it was only natural that he coached our daughter when she was old enough. Most of the time it works pretty well for our family.

Sometimes though I run into some trouble meshing Soccer Mom with Yoga Teacher. Soccer Mom tries to stay out of the team’s business, leaving the coaching to the coaches, but Yoga Teacher Me cringes each and every time I see a coach (Coach Dad included) fail to warm up their players before practices and games. It is so important for muscles, especially developing muscles to ease in. Warming up prevents injury, plain and simple. Warming up the muscles creates blood flow which prepares the muscles for the exercise to come. This works to prevent strain. Coach Dad can tell you that he recently learned this lesson the hard way. Warming up also cues the brain to get in the games. Our bodies build muscle memory fairly quickly. If we practice the same sort of warm up each time we prepare for aerobic activity we are cueing the brain as well as our bodies, of what’s coming. This is particularly helpful with kids. Kids thrive on ritual. It is really important for them to have a predictable series of events. Warm ups serve as a transition between on and off the field. Warm ups cue the brain that its time for sports now, creating a more focused athlete.

Most coaches in our area are not paid for their time. They do go through a basic training of sorts, but it simply can’t cover everything. The ones who do warm up their teams, may know why they are doing it but not always the best way to go about it (no offense to the fabulous coaches out there who know exactly what they are doing all of the time). Here is where the yoga comes in, I know you were waiting for it. Yoga can target the specific areas of the body that are most prone to injury or overuse on the field or court. Sports can create an imbalance by over-strengthening one area of the body. Yoga can help to equalize the unbalanced areas. Yoga builds flexibility giving the muscles a better range of motion which again, prevents strain on the body. Yoga is an opportunity for athletes to build muscle memory to complement their chosen sport, outside of the competition that comes with it. In addition, the meditative qualities of a regular yoga practice, along with breathing techniques can work to focus an athlete and lessen any pre-game jitters. Pro-athletes are adding yoga to their training because yoga enhances their game.

The fall athletic season is fast approaching. Most teams will start practices within a few short weeks. If your child is playing a sport this fall, talk with the coach about warming up at every practice and before every game. And then thank them for volunteering their time. If you, or your coaches, are looking for ideas on the best way to incorporate warming up(and cooling down) into the program give a shout out. We’d love to help. Yoga is for everyone, after all, athletes included. If you’d like you child to learn more about the right way to warm up for his or her sport consider registering for our Sports Stretch Clinic on August 6th.

If not, maybe I’ll see you on the soccer field this fall. I’ll be the lady in the yoga pants passing out oranges.

As far as kids go, I can’t really complain too much about mine (see them here looking so very sweet). They eat veggies, most of the time. They go to bed without a fuss, usually. They share, except with each other. And they give really good hugs. There are those times though…...those times when they show their other sides that I sometimes hit a wall as a mom. We’ve all been there. That moment when you simply do not know how to respond to what they throw at you.

We see these parents whose kids talk back, won’t stay in their beds, refuse to eat any thing that isn’t white, interrupt constantly, run in the other direction when they hear their name called, scream loudly in inappropriate places, snatch toys from their playmates, hit and kick their parents, and pick prize boogers out of their noses to pop into their precious little mouths. Often times we watch in silent horror, while in our minds, we judge their parenting. ‘Well‘, we think, ‘if only she had some control over that child‘. ‘If only, they disciplined her better‘. ‘If only, they stopped caving in to his tantrums’. These parents feel our eyes on them. They feel our silent horror. They know we are judging them. And they are powerless to stop it, because, as you know if you have kids, we have all been there at some point. We have all given in to our children at some point, just to get them to stop. Stop, already, you win.

We’ve all felt the eyes on us when it’s OUR child acting up in a way we don’t like. Sometimes it isn’t even that our kids are misbehaving it’s that they aren't behaving in the way we want them to. They won’t say hello to the co-worker we bump into at a restaurant. They won’t play with the other kids at the playground when we have only brought them there to get a much needed respite from their endless chatter. They won’t participate in a class that we thought they would love when we signed them up, and paid an outrageous fee to attend.

Parents sometimes conveniently forget that all kids have issues. We can parent them to the moon and back but when it comes right down to it no child can be forced to be the person our expectations want them to be. It’s easy to make ourselves feel better by judging the other parents who are struggling with the same issues we face. We tell ourselves, our spouses, our friends, how we would do it differently. It takes a bit more effort to support each other. Take turns switching kids with a friend so you each get a break. Engage the mom at the playground, who is clearly one step away from losing her mind (you know her because you have been her), in a conversation. Before becoming a mom I would never engage strangers in conversation. After a few years at home watching ‘Little Bear’ I would talk to anyone who would listen. Ask for help when you need it. There is no shame in admitting you are stumped. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh set of eyes and ears to work something out. We parents are a team and we need to work together. Team Parent! Who’s with me?!

It has been my long-standing belief that our children will tell us what they need from us. All we need to do is to know how to listen and decide how to respond. We don’t always have the answer. A good parent doesn’t have all the answers to all the problems they will face while raising a child. Instead, a good parent makes the time to find and try solutions until they hit on the one that works.If we start a new job we usually have some sort of training before we begin. Parenting doesn't work that way.  The training isn't handed to you. It doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes you need to seek it out.  I’ve heard friends say they don’t believe in parenting books. I agree to a point. A parenting book isn’t designed to give you concrete answers about your child. Not all ideas work with all kids, or all families for that matter. What a good parenting book can do is give you a set of guidelines to go by so that you can then make educated decisions about the dilemmas you will face as a parent. One of my favorite parenting authors is Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Her series of books begins with Your One Year Old: Fun Loving and Fussy, and continues on up to Your Ten-Fourteen Year Old. In each of these short books there are guidelines about development. What to expect from certain ages, and suggestions about appropriate discipline. Also in each book is a healthy dose of realism. A parenting attitude adjustment, if you will. Sometimes it isn't the child's behavior we need to change, it's our own.

My family and friends have children of various ages from those still in the womb to teens. I don’t know their children as well as they do. I do know that what works for my family can’t possibly work for all of theirs, because all these little people are so very different. My kids are not perfect, nor do I want them to be. We take one day at a time and do what we can.

Do you have an issue that your family is struggling with that you could use a suggestion for? Do you have a tip to share? Post it here and become part of our parenting team.



　

　

　

Making time to practice yoga every day doesn’t work for all of us. Sometime finding more than five minutes of uninterrupted time can be an impossible task. Especially if your house is inhabited by the under 10 crowd as mine is. So we need to get creative. We need to sneak in the yoga. One way to do this is by moving with intention. By paying attention to what goes on below our necks. Most of us spend a great deal of our day in our brains. One of the reasons our bodies crave yoga is because it takes our awareness away from the thoughts that race through our heads and down into our bodies. You don’t need an hour long class every day to get to that place. Here are a few ways that I get sneaky about incorporating my yoga practice into my day:

3 Minute Meditation - Fill a laundry basket and tell your people that you are going to your room to fold laundry and, if they follow you, they have to help. Ok, so maybe it isn’t 100% truthful, but it is in the best interest of everyone in your household. Once safely in your room, close the door, sit on the floor, close your eyes, and tell yourself that you are breathing in and breathing out. All it takes is a few minutes of this to feel like a whole new person. I find this to be a particularly helpful tool when my brain is overwhelmed and gearing up for an anxiety attack.

Check in with your feet - Each time you find yourself standing in one place for any extended period of time (like washing dishes) , check in with your feet. For most of us our toes point out to the sides when we aren‘t paying attention. Turn them so they face forward. This small change will travel up your legs and knees and into your hips. Now, take it a step further, if you’d like, and think Mountain Pose with those legs. Use your core muscles too and washing the dishes is a whole new event.

And speaking of feet...use your whole foot - Each time you are getting up from a seated position or climbing stairs place your whole foot on the floor or step. No more running on the stairs on tip toes. This will again engage more muscles in your legs and bottom. When these muscles are working you are also taking some of the stress off your knees. Think of all the work your legs can get while you run upstairs to tuck your child back into bed seventeen times.

Sit on the floor - Skip chairs whenever you can. Sitting on the floor requires your hips to stretch, creating flexibility. The more opportunities you give your hips to stretch, the happier they become. Happy hips, happy body.

Picking things up - How many times a day do you bend over to pick things up? Every time you bend over think about putting some yoga into action. Fold over into a forward bend with intention instead of just reaching and grabbing. Pull in those core muscles and try it with your legs together (Uttanasana), legs apart (Prasarita Padottanasana), one leg up in a standing split, over to the side on one leg (Ardha Chandrasana - Half moon), you get the idea.

Find a little balance - Any time you find yourself standing in one place for any period of time, take a leg up off the floor and find your tree pose. Maybe it won’t build your focus the same way it will in a yoga class, but it will work your feet and strengthen your ankles. Remember to do both sides.

Use your tummy wisely - Engage your core muscles often. These muscles support your spine. By toning your core you are helping to prevent back injuries, as well as allowing your spine to elongate itself. This creates more space on the sides of your body, which in turn creates a slimmer appearance. So, sitting at your desk, driving in your car, taking a walk, wherever, pull in your core. It’s like a stomach crunch without all the fuss. Think about your core muscles wrapping around from the sides of your body to the center and then draw them up towards your rib cage. In and up, baby, in and up.

Butterflies in Bed - Baddhakonasana, Butterfly pose, is super easy to sink into while lying in bed or watching TV. Lie down in bed, or prop your back up on some pillows on the floor, bring your feet together and draw them in towards your groin. Use blankets or pillows under your knees for a little extra support if you’d like. Ahhh…..yummy.

Be thankful - Show gratitude for all that you have. We all have things we want, but sometimes its hard to remember to be grateful for what we already have. When we can begin to appreciate all that we do have our perspective begins to shift. We begin to see that often times we have what we need, and all the rest is just gravy.

I am overwhelmed. There is simply too much to do at the moment. After the last of the four foot deep snow melted from our yard and I meandered around reveling in the awakening wonders of nature around me, a list began to form in my head. Trim, mow, weed, rake, pluck, repair. Battle back nature and reclaim the yard. It’s like a commercial from Home Depot is going on in my brain. Of course the more time spent working outside means that the inside of my home has fallen apart. I keep walking over the same sticky spot on the floor. Furry clumps of dog hair roll like tumbleweeds under my tables. And the bathrooms…..well lets not even go there. The laundry is done and the dishes are clean (for now) and I’ve pretty much given up on the rest for now.

The problem with the list in my head is that I don’t really want to do any of it. I have no desire to weed flower beds or haul brush. I don’t want to pick up the rocks that the snow-blower used to decorated my lawn. In the three years we have lived here I have successfully avoided applying a coat of much needed stain to my deck, and it REALLY needs to happen. Mowing the grass I can do. I love mowing the grass. It’s a bit meditative for me. But the rest, pah! I’d rather creep to the edge of the pond and see how long before the frogs hop away. Or, hunt through the woods for interesting rocks to relocate to interesting places. Or, sit on a grassy patch with a good book, feeling the sun and breeze wipe that list of things that need doing from my mind. Or, throw down a mat on the deck that needs staining and get my yoga on.

Spring brings out the anxiety that I work to keep at bay. I grapple with the things that have to be done and the things that I’d rather do. The result is usually doing something in the middle and feeling like I have accomplished nothing. The list of what to do grows longer and I feel like I haven’t done anything enjoyable which does nothing for a positive attitude. Procrastination has always been my nemesis. A few years ago I read an article in a parenting magazine that suggested turning on a kitchen timer for 15 minutes and cleaning like a crazy person until the time beeped and then walking away. It works well. When you remember to do it. A friend of mine recently mentioned using the same method for making time in her day to exercise. Five minutes a pop. Times up and you move on to whatever comes next. The problem is that for some things five or fifteen minutes just doesn’t cut it. You can’t stain a deck in fifteen minutes. And that’s where the feeling of being overwhelmed begins. So instead of doing anything on the list, I, we, do nothing at all. We fall to our time-wasting activities like facebook, television, wandering about the house thinking about all we need to do.

It isn’t a horrible thing to waste time once in awhile. It’s when it begins to feed our anxiety that it begins to pose a problem. When we can’t find our way to the work that needs to be done. When we let all of it get in the way of our relationships with our families, friends, and kids. I know I’m not the only person to procrastinate cleaning my house and then telling my kids I’m too busy to play. We have to come back to the balancing act of it all. For me, getting outside is important in keeping my panic demons at bay. A long walk in the fresh air has a magical effect on the ‘too much to do and not enough time to do it in’ dilemma. It doesn’t diminish my list but it gives me time to re-group before I face it. It gives me time to appreciate the beauty around me and makes me breathe deeply. And sometimes a deep breath is all we need to keep on keeping on. Sometimes an hour spent playing with the kids makes the next hour of work that much more bearable (for everyone).

So, I’m not giving up on my lists. The trimming and raking and weeding and deck staining will happen. The sticky spot will eventually get mopped away and the fur-balls will be rounded up. But before it does, I will take a walk and have a little yoga time outside. I will count the turtles in the pond and eagerly await the opening buds on my tulips. Spring is a blessing. Its our chance to start fresh again. To experience the magic of nature waking up after a long winter’s sleep. No wonder it’s overwhelming.